Is The 3-Month Rule A Real Thing? Here's What You Should Know
New relationships can be filled with eros love, which includes romance, passion, and the butterflies in your stomach that tell you that you've met someone special. However, after a while, those feelings may fade. In fact, there's a theory that the spark is likely to fizzle out around a certain timeframe if you're not really suited for each other. At the same time, you might start to notice things about your partner that aren't ideal. That tends to happen in around 90 days, which is why this theory's called the three-month rule. But is it even a real thing?
Although it may apply to certain circumstances, it's not a hard rule. To understand how solid this idea may or may not be, you first need to be aware of the thinking behind the concept. The concept has been garnering more buzz after being posted by TikTok user and podcaster Taylor Herd (@taytalkspod), who shared a video that saw her explain, "After three months, it comes out if they truly like you or not. It's hard to be consistent with something for three months if you're not enjoying it."
This isn't a new idea, either. The concept popped up in 2010 when it was covered by The Frisky (via CNN). You'll understand why it's stuck around so long when you delve into the reasoning. Frankly, although this sounds like something that could be a consistent and reliable fact, it turns out that it's not that simple.
The idea behind the 3-month rule
It's pretty obvious that you'll get to know someone better the longer you date, and this familiarity can make your attraction even stronger. At the same time, something tends to happen around three months into a fair share of relationships. In fact, Sameera Sullivan, a relationship expert and professional matchmaker, told Her Campus, "After three months of dating, you and your partner have gotten to know each other better. As a result, you're more inclined to lower your guard, express your emotions, and be candid about important issues. ... At this stage, this has the power to make or break a relationship — three months is the right time to get you past the honeymoon stage."
However, that doesn't mean that this is always the case. Sullivan noted, "Although we may comprehend the rationale behind the three-month rule, there is absolutely no scientific support. Everybody moves on at their own pace; some even begin to do so while the relationship is still technically ongoing."
That's certainly good to keep in mind while dating someone. In fact, whether you're in the kind of relationship that sees you form a deep connection right away or one that seems like it will take much longer to truly find out everything about each other, you can still check in at the three-month mark to see where you are and where your relationship may be going in the future — or if it has a future at all.
How to know if you'll make it past the 3-month mark
The three-month rule may not apply to everyone and every relationship; however, you may still want to take a look at how things are going around this time. This is a period when you can consider various factors and decide how you feel about the situation. As an example, you can take a look at how your partner deals with communication and support. Even though a relationship may be in the early stages, those involved should still be eager to open up (or at least try to open up even though it's not always easy) and, in turn, listen to what you have to say. They should also be there for you to lean on and trust. Beyond that, they should feel the same about you — that you can be relied on and want to be there for them when they need you.
"This kind of thing is what takes your relationship to the next level," dating coach Anna Morgenstern told Bustle. By becoming the person who is honest with you and always has your back — and vice versa — Morgenstern explained, "It establishes a level of trust and strength for both of you to feel comfort when seeking comfort."
If this is something that exists in your relationship when you're around the three-month point, then you might want to build on that to create something that's long-lasting and may lead to a happily-ever-after kind of love.